the first day of school....in May?

I have the first day of school jitters. No kidding. Why, you ask? Well, I have missed the last week of school because I had (and still have) pneumonia [pause here to receive good thoughts and looks of pity]. So that means my students have had a substitute teacher for the last five days. Yep. Five. At least it was only two substitutes in five days, but, still. I hate being absent, but, more than that, I hate coming back to what transpired the week before.

It's not just the mountains of paperwork waiting for me...I am already pumping myself up by singing, "Climb every mountain..." and saying my mantra, "I think I can, I think I can..." Of course, being the OCD teacher that I am, I stopped by on Friday after school and picked up a small part of the mountain...just a teaser, if you will. And it's gonna be bad.

My school seemed to be in perpetual full moon phase last week. Now, if you don't believe that the moon's phases has something to do with children's behavior, just come into any middle school the morning before and the morning after a full moon and you will get the full EFFECT of what I'm talking about. I mean, the little monkeys are already a handful, little hormones with feet, having meltdowns for no foreseeable reason (except to them and their fellow walking hormones). But the day after a full moon. Watch out! I swear the moon's pull is the kryptonite to any effective ADHD medication and is the sole reason for 7th grade girls crying over a forgotten binder and 8th grade boys breaking up with 8th grade girls. Oh, the drama.

So...I digress. According to our head honcho at our school (by that, of course, I mean the building secretary), we had seven substitutes two to three days in a row. Now, for most schools, that's a pretty low percentage. However, when you only have 13 teachers on staff...that's over half of your teachers gone for a day...or two...or FIVE if you're me.

Now, you have to first understand that I teach in a little town that resembles Mayberry in many ways. A corner store. Old people walking "downtown" in the morning and waving at the cars passing by. A superintendent that has coffee every morning at the "theatre" that doubles as a coffee shop. And from a teaching perspective, it's like teaching in Candy Land.

Except when I return from being absent. One day is doable. The kids (and I) enjoy the break. Two days is pushing it. Three is downright rude, according to my kids. Four is unheard of..and FIVE? FIVE??? It will certainly be the mother of all phases of the moon. And that, my friends, is why I am nervous about tomorrow. Nervous about being filled in on the drama that I missed (even though I REALLY don't ask....I swear). Nervous that my kids will rebel and be absent themselves, both in behavior expectations and performance. Nervous that I will be too exhausted to give my all (after all, I was told to take this week off, too....to which I laughed hysterically and asked the doctor if he was sentencing me to death).

So, we'll see. I'll let you know how the first day of school in May goes tomorrow. IF I survive.